Jeffrey Lawrence Moss
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© 2012 Jeffrey Lawrence Moss
You Have Reached the End, My Friend
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© 2017 Jeffrey Lawrence Moss
The Simple Pleasures of Life
by Bandit the Cat

I had a discussion the other day with my master and we started talking about what we appreciated in life the most.  That got me thinking about what I really enjoyed in my life, and what made existence so worthwhile.  Upon much reflection, I figured out the two things that I really enjoy with great passion: sleeping and killing.

I probably shouldn't have to elaborate any more than mentioning these things, but I will say a few words about them just the same.  Is there any greater joy in life then lying in the path of a sunbeam reflected through a glass window?  Or to be curled up on a comfy bed, with the bedding rising up just enough to encase my warmth?  The only thing I can think of that might be better is sneaking up on an unknowing victim and savagely killing him.  You know the kind I mean, the attacks when you cripple your victim quickly and then just play with him as he is rendered helpless to defend himself?  Yeah, it's those little things in life that are just so great.

I know what you're thinking.  What about eating a fine meal, or being scratched on the neck and back?  Sure, sure, those are all good things.  But honestly, these are things that you just tend to forget.  They don't leave a watermark on the memory like a victim as he calls out for help but whose doom is simply inevitable.  Boy, I can remember all my kills like they happened just yesterday.  One time, there was this moth, I leapt on his wing and then watched as it tried in vain to fly away.  It just twirled around, never gaining much air, and I would just bat it around to amuse myself.  Heh, heh, good times . . . but I digress.

I suppose that other cats might take pride and happiness from their kids but my master made sure I was the last of my line.  Some people might react to this in horror, surprised such atrocities still occur in our civilized society.  But don't feel sorry for me.  I have no regrets in life.  I've had more than my share of sleeping and killing and expect many more years to come.  Honestly, am I the luckiest cat in the world, or what?

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